


of masks and being in love

by hanayou



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: And in love, Costume Parties & Masquerades, F/F, Fake Names, Gay, Love Confessions, Masks, Theyre gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-13 05:36:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19244893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanayou/pseuds/hanayou
Summary: Compared to those ideas, this latest one made more sense. At least, Kanon thought so. Or maybe she was just… hoping it did? Either way, here she was, hiding out by a pillar as hundreds of masked people danced about in the Tsurumaki ballroom.





	of masks and being in love

Some of Kokoro’s ideas to make the world smile were… interesting, to say the least. Like the time she decided to ship one hundred koalas in from Australia and train them to dance alongside Hello Happy World (the koalas were confiscated at customs and sent back, which was probably for the best), or when she’d hired a fleet of blimps to rain smile-faced confetti over several large cities (the cleanup took quite a while), or when she’d organized a bunch of billboards to read “SMILE! NOW!” (it was meant to be encouraging, but the majority of the population felt considerably threatened by them and so they were taken down quickly).

Compared to those ideas, this latest one made more sense. At least, Kanon thought so. Or maybe she was just… hoping it did? Either way, here she was, hiding out by a pillar as hundreds of masked people danced about in the Tsurumaki ballroom.

Kokoro had only come up with the idea of a masquerade ball a few days previous, and Kanon couldn’t help but feel sorry for the women in black suits. It definitely wasn’t easy to organize such a party in less than a week, and the Suits she’d seen recently looked more haggard than usual. She wasn’t quite sure of where all these people came from, either. Surely there weren’t  _ this _  many citizens interested in this kind of thing?

Maybe she shouldn’t worry too much. She was already nervous enough.

Kokoro had already given up on wearing her mask, and was instead darting amongst the dancers, laughing and encouraging them all to “Smile and sing with me! Happy, lucky, smile, yay!!” She wore a brightly-colored ball gown that ended just above her knees, which was probably wise.  If she had a floor-length dress she’d be tripping up everyone as she went.

 

~

 

Upon arriving earlier that evening, Kanon and her band members had all been whisked away, separated from each other and given an extensive array of dresses to choose from. Kanon, overwhelmed by all the gorgeous gowns, had just let the Suits pick out a costume for her. She wasn’t flustered by changing in front of them anymore; she had been at first, but she’d done it so many times now that it felt normal. They all looked away, anyway.

The dress they had picked out for her was simply gorgeous. It was pale blue, and flowing, cascading down to the floor, stopping just at the tops of her shoes. The bodice was off-the-shoulder, which made her a little self-conscious, and the sleeves were short and sheer, drifting about with her every movement like jellyfish in a current.

Seeing her reflection in the mirror, Kanon felt like a princess.

The mask she picked out for herself was delicate, made of intricate wire and shaped to have a butterfly wing on one side. It matched the blue of her dress perfectly, and once the Suits had put her hair up, coiling it into a beautiful bun, she was ready.

Except, once she had reached the ballroom, she’d been so overwhelmed by the chaos of swirling skirts and the melody of the music, that she’d resorted to hiding behind a pillar to avoid it all. And here she still was.

She wished she knew where Misaki was. Maybe she’d feel braver with her friend around. And if only Chisato was here to help her…

_ No! You can’t think like that,  _ she told herself, giving a little shake of her head.  _ You need to be brave on your own! _

For how could she ever get better if she always clung to another for support? She had to try.

_ Think of it as practice. It’s just practice. You’ll probably never see these people again. _

So she stepped out and onto the ballroom floor. She instantly regretted it.

She was immediately surrounded by masked couples dancing, whirling her about in their wakes like she was merely a jellyfish. And that’s how she felt, beginning to get dizzy and disoriented, spinning around. The room was far too hot; her skin was on fire.

“Sorry!” she found herself saying, “Sorry! Sorry!” as she stumbled through the mass of swirling people.

It seemed like the world itself was spinning, and she was running, trying not to fall. The lights blinded her, her vision growing blurry as she felt herself getting weaker.

Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted a square of darkness. A door! She made her way towards it, the only thought in her overwhelmed mind was that she had to get out.

Her hands were so sweaty with panic that it took several tries to turn the knob, but once she did, she was out, almost tripping through the doorframe in her haste. She stumbled as she lost a shoe on the courtyard outside, but didn’t stop. When she ran out of breath completely, she collapsed on the grass, which felt cool against her burning skin.

The sounds of the party were faint in the distance now, and more than that, she could hear the night breeze through the trees, the crickets chirping, the sounds of her breathing as it finally started to slow.

She rolled over onto her back, staring up at the stars twinkling through the branches of the weeping willow above her, and was filled with remorse.

_ Ohh, I made a mess of things again... I failed, I can’t even handle a party… I’ll never be brave like Misaki, or Kokoro or Hagumi or Kaoru! I’ll always be the weakest one. _

Her eyes welled with tears, the stars becoming blurry pinpricks of light.

_ I shouldn’t have gone out, I should’ve stayed there behind the pillar, I would’ve been safe and I wouldn’t be feeling so awful now. Why am I like this… _

“Are you alright?”

Kanon jumped as a hand touched her shoulder, and looked over to see a woman crouched on the grass beside her. It was too dark to see anything of her face besides the black mask she wore, but her dark hair was visible, falling in waves down her back.

“Oh, um, yeah, I’m fine,” Kanon said, trying her best to quiet her sniffles. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Are you sure?” asked the woman again, concern audible in her tone. Her voice was deep, and Kanon found it calming, somehow. It soothed her soul.

“Yes,” said Kanon, with more confidence this time. “I’m alright.”

The woman stood up then, growing fall taller than Kanon had expected, towering over her prone form. Kanon sat up, and realized something.

“Oh no, the grass… it’ll stain the dress!” She pushed herself up off the ground, but forgot she had only one shoe, and started to topple forwards.

The other woman caught her. Kanon could feel her face heating up again, but in a more pleasant way this time, as she found her face pressed into the bodice of the woman’s dress.

“Be careful,” the woman said with a chuckle that sent a little shiver through Kanon.

Kanon straightened up, nudging her other shoe off so she was more on an even footing. “Ah, I-I’m sorry,” she said, trying to will her blush away.

“Don’t be, it’s fine.”

Looking up at the other woman in the darkness, Kanon could tell she was very pretty, even if the mask covered part of her face. Gorgeous, stunning, like Kaoru. But Kaoru was no doubt inside, wearing a fancy suit and romancing every girl in the vicinity. There’s no way she’d be here, paying attention to her.

Kanon felt very self-conscious suddenly; how must she look, sweaty and covered in grass and recovering from a panic attack? Nothing like this beautiful woman.

“What’s your name?” asked the woman, kindly and gently.

“Um, uh,” faltered Kanon, feeling weirdly reluctant to give her real name. For some reason, her mind flashed to Kokoro. “Maki.”

“A lovely name.” The woman smiled down at her.

“What’s yours?”

“Ah, it’s… Helena.”

_ A foreigner? But she speaks such natural Japanese…  _ Kanon felt ‘Helena’ might be using a false name as well. But why? Was she shy as well? Surely not…

“Why were you lying in the grass, Maki?”

It took a second for Kanon to realize Helena meant her. “Oh, I-I was just… recovering. The party inside was a bit too much for me.”

Helena nodded, looking off towards where the lights of the ballroom spilled out upon the lawn. “Very understandable. It could be too much for anyone.”

Kanon felt a bit reassured by Helena not judging her for this, and relaxed a little. “Why are you out here?”

“Me? I simply wished for some solitude.”

“O-oh, I’m s-sorry, I’ll go,” Kanon said quickly, turning to leave.

“No no, stay,” said Helena, reaching a hand out to touch Kanon’s wrist. The touch made Kanon’s skin tingle. “I’ve had plenty of solitude, and I’d be pleased with your company.”

“Really? Are you sure?”

“Quite sure.”

Kanon wasn’t sure what to say next, not wanting to say the wrong thing, so instead of speaking, she looked at the other woman’s dress. She couldn’t tell what color it was, but it was dark and the bodice was deep necked, the skirt going to disappear in the grass. Even without seeing its color, it was stunning. Kanon remembered her face touching the front of it, and she blushed, turning her head away so Helena couldn’t see it.

The silence lasted for an indefinite period, before her companion gave a sigh.

“I-is something wrong?” asked Kanon, glancing over.

“Oh, it’s nothing, I won’t burden a sweet lady like you with my troubles,” said Helena, smiling a tinge of sadness in it that made its way into Kanon’s heart.

“It’s okay, you can tell me if it’ll help you feel better,” she said, tentatively.

The other woman gave another soft sigh. “If it’s truly alright with you…”

There was another long break of silence before Helena spoke again.

“There’s this girl,” she said, “who’s absolutely wonderful. She’s beautiful, kind, sweet, amazing…”

“You like her?” asked Kanon.

“I love her,” Helena replied. “But I don’t think she loves me.”

“Oh…”

“I would stop the world for her, die for her, do anything for her… but she doesn’t seem to realize it. There’s another, see, and I fear she’s fallen for her instead.”

“I see…”

“She’d never care for me, after all. I’m simply a mess who is far beneath her. A princess like her would never love me.”

The words and Helena’s sadness made Kanon think of Kaoru, how she longed for Kaoru to know how much she cared, but how she would always be just another kitten in her eyes.

“There’s a girl I love, too, but she likes every girl. I’m nothing special.”

A tear trickled down her cheek. “She’s probably in there right now, dancing with all the pretty girls, not even thinking of me.”

Somehow, even in the darkness, Helena noticed the tear, and lifted her hand to brush it off Kanon’s cheek. “Don’t cry, my dear. You are far from not being special. I’m sure she’ll notice you one day.”

“Thanks,” sniffled Kanon, giving Helena a weak smile. “You’re really sweet.”

Helena smiled back at her, and something felt so right then. Like the two of them were always destined to meet beneath the branches of this weeping willow.

“You must be my guardian angel, Maki,” said Helena, leaning back against the tree’s trunk, staring up at the slowly swaying branches. “It feels like you’ve somehow healed my soul just by listening to my words.”

Kanon let out a tiny giggle. “If anything, you’re mine. I feel a lot better, too.” She went over and leaned back against the tree too, feeling its cool bark against her skin, and Helena’s warm arm against her own.

How right everything felt then, standing there next to the other woman. Like they’d known each other so much longer than a few minutes.

She got a sudden thought, then, a sudden urge. It made her blush again, feeling her whole body heat up at the idea.

_ There’s no way I can do that! I barely know her! _

But there it was, that little voice in the back of her head that said,  _ Go on, take a risk, be brave. Do it. _

She gave in.

She leaned over and kissed her.

Helena seemed shocked for a moment, then quickly started kissing her back, wrapping her strong arms around Kanon. Kanon felt surprisingly safe there, like it was where she was meant to be.

Their masks were pressing against each other, making it difficult, and Helena broke the kiss for only a second to push them both up at once, getting them out of the way, before starting to kiss her again, pressing Kanon into the tree trunk.

Kanon’s mind was going numb, making it harder and harder to think. She found her only thought an image replacing the woman with Kaoru, having it be Kaoru who was here kissing her like this.

_ Aah,  _ she thought,  _ Kaoru, Kaoru I love you, aah… _

She didn’t know how long the kiss lasted, her mind too far gone to keep track of time. She only knew that, eventually, they parted, both breasts heaving in air. Kanon buried her face in Helena’s shoulder, and felt tingling all over her body.

_ I can’t believe I just did that _ , she thought, regret starting to seep in.  _ I just kissed a girl I don’t even know! I practically made out with a stranger! Aaaaaaaaaaaa!! _

She pulled away then, moving as far back as the trunk would allow her, right as the moonlight shone down through the leaves and onto the other woman’s face.

Kanon stared, first in disbelief, then in shock.

“Kaoru?”

‘Helena’ seemed to realize then who Kanon was, and opened her mouth to say something, but Kanon pushed past her and ran, ran away as fast as she could, hitching her skirts up so she didn’t trip.

She heard Kaoru yell “Kanon, wait!” but she didn’t wait, just fled, went straight back the way she had come and into the swirling mass of dancers once more.

Kanon felt on fire again, but this time her panic wasn’t coming from the crowds but from the fact that  _ she had just kissed Kaoru oh my GOD SHE KISSED KAORU!! _

She ran into someone, too lost in her panic to avoid the collision, and was about to move around them, when she heard a familiar voice call her name. Kanon looked up, and was filled with relief to see Misaki.

Misaki was saying something, asking if she was okay, but Kanon couldn’t hear her properly.

Kanon grabbed Misaki’s arms. “Misaki, Misaki I made a big mistake, oh Misaki help me!”

Misaki looked very concerned, pulling Kanon into a more secluded area away from the dancers before asking, “What happened, Kanon?”

Kanon found her face was streaked with tears as she cried, “I kissed Kaoru!”

“You what?” Misaki stared.

“I kissed her, except I didn’t know it was her and she didn’t know it was me because of the masks-”

“But wait, why is it a mistake? Don’t you like her?”

“-and she’ll never talk to me again and our band will break up and Kokoro will be so sad and I’ll have to hide forever and never go near Haneoka ever again and-”

“Kanon, breathe!”

Hearing this brought Kanon enough out of her shock to begin taking some deep breaths.

“Okay,” said Misaki, “so apparently this is a mistake, though I don’t understand why, but okay. We’re gonna make it through this. You’re gonna be fine.”

“I’m gonna be fine,” repeated Kanon, still taking huge gulps of air.

“Yes, you are. Tell me again, slowly, what happened.”

Kanon gave a wail and smashed her face against the nearest wall. “I caaan’t I’m so embarrassed I can’t ever see her again-”

“KANON!” Kaoru’s voice rang through the hall behind them.

“Oh no hide me Misaki fueeeee-”

“Kanon, calm down, it’s okay!” Misaki futilely tried to calm her down, putting a hand on her shoulder, but Kanon shrugged it off, shaking.

Kaoru burst through the crowd, tripping on her dress in her haste to reach Kanon. “Misaki,” she panted, upon seeing the other girl, “I need to talk to Kanon.”

“She’s not here,” said Misaki, doing a very bad job of hiding Kanon.

“Please,” said Kaoru, still out of breath, “let me talk to her alone.”

Misaki looked between Kaoru, looking desperate and pleading, and Kanon, still in shock and with tear-streaked cheeks, and sighed. “All right, but if you hurt her I’ll kill you.”

Kaoru nodded, accepting these terms, and Misaki left. Kaoru then scooped Kanon up bridal style. Kanon squeaked, squirming a little, but when Kaoru continued to hold her tightly and carry her wherever they were going, Kanon resorted to hiding her face in her hands.

She only looked up when they stopped and Kaoru put her back on her own feet. They were back outside, by the willow tree where they had both been minutes ago.

Kanon looked down at her feet.

“Kanon, look at me,” said Kaoru, reaching out to cup the other girls cheeks in her hands and tilt her face up. Reluctantly, scared, Kanon looked up, only to see Kaoru’s face filled with a tenderness she’d never seen before.

“Kanon,” said Kaoru softly, “don’t be afraid. I love you.”

“Y-you,” faltered Kanon, her mind still numb. “But the other girl, the one you were talking about-”

“Is you.”

“M-me?”

“Yes,” murmured Kaoru, pulling Kanon close against her. Kanon couldn’t help but melt at her gentle touch, and almost began to cry again. “I love you, Kanon,” Kaoru said, stroking the top of her head. “I love you.”

“You love  _ me _ ,” Kanon mumbled, mind spinning. “ _ Me _ .”

“Kanon,” Kaoru said, voiced wobbling a bit in a way Kanon had never heard it before, “do you love me back?”

“Of course I do!” cried Kanon, throwing her arms around Kaoru and burying her face in her neck.

Kaoru let out a joyful laugh, pulling Kanon closer against her, then leaned down and kissed her.

This kiss was so gentle, so loving that Kanon actually did begin to cry. Kaoru noticed, and quickly pulled away. “Ah, Kanon, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, I’m sorry,” sniffled Kanon, wiping her tears away with the back of her hand. “I’m just happy…!”

 

~

 

The rest of the masquerade party was wonderful. No longer did Kanon feel overwhelmed by the crowd, because now Kaoru was at her side. And she would be there forever.

**Author's Note:**

> i havent written in so long so im very rusty but i hope you all enjoyed this!! i had fun writing it


End file.
